BITCH!, the Autobiography of Lady Lawford as told to Buddy Galon, (my FringeNYC play), opens tomorrow night at the Connelly Theatre on East 4th Street, ready or not. I am determined to ignore the facts and get lucky, Ruth Gordon-style.
I'm tempted to list the facts I'm ignoring, but anyone who has done Fringe theatre knows what they are. Let's just say that I am too old, too talented, and far too grand to acknowledge them!
The facts I'm NOT ignoring are how terrifically talented my co-workers are; how stalwart; and that August 28th, this particular phase of this particular learning experience will be over. One way or another.
The list of thank yous in the programme is hilariously long. But it's how grateful I am.
Come see the show if you can. For more info and tickets: www.fringenyc.org.
Meanwhile, enjoy the photo of the beautiful Peter Lawford and his houseguest, Marilyn Monroe, poor girl.
I had a dream last night that I was barefoot and my teeth were falling out. I have a lot of teeth-falling-out dreams, but usually I just suddenly notice that my teeth are crumbling, spit them out, and am amazed to discover they're beautiful, tiny pieces of china or complicated little porcelain sculptures. It's always my molars--my smile still looks normal.
But last night I was barefoot and my front right tooth had something carved in it--a word. I can't remember the word, but it started with a C. And no, I don't wear my nightguard anymore, which explains a lot.
"Dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. These dreams stem from fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old.
Another rationalization for falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.
In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine."
Sometimes I hate the internet. Too much information, and in this case, too accurate in every single scenario:
"To dream that you are barefoot indicates poverty, lack of mobility, or misunderstanding, low self-esteem and lack confidence in yourself. Or you may be dealing with issues concerning your self-identity."
We're at that point in rehearsals.
Performances are August 17, 20, 22, 23, 28. To book tickets: www.fringenyc.org.
When I moved to LA, it seemed like everyone I knew suggested I re-invent myself. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what they meant. Was I supposed to pretend that everything up to that point hadn't happened? Keep the facts but give them a new interpretation? Were they telling me to lose weight? Or just dye my hair (again), change my name, and hope for the best?
Ruth Gordon is my go-to guru. So I decided to employ Ruth's version of re-invention--"Ignore the Facts". In an address to a Quincy, Massachusetts high school graduating class she once said (this is a paraphrase),"When I was young, if I had accepted the facts-- that I was not pretty, too short, bowlegged, with not enough talent, money, or contacts to be an actress, I never would have won an Academy Award". Something like that. Fill in your own blanks.
Peter Lawford was good at ignoring facts. Hollywood's the perfect place for that, of course--but did you ever wonder why his right hand was hidden in films? Just look at him--it's pretty hard to focus on his hand in this photo--but see, it's hidden in the sand. There are many stories about his hand injury, one being that his staunch determination alone kept him from losing it completely in a childhood accident.
How much determination does re-invention require? In spite of his injury, Lawford became a great left-handed tennis player and surfer. He sang and danced in lavish MGM musicals, though he had almost no natural aptitude for either. And when he married Patricia Kennedy, he didn't let his citizenship or religion or even his birth certificate get in the way--he simply changed them all.
His mother, Lady Lawford, was a master of the survival-by-ignoring-the facts philosophy. A little alcoholism, a little dementia, and a lot of paranoia probably fueled her later years, but before she was Peter's "Bitch!", she managed to survive her first husband's suicide; a disastrous second marriage(also a suicide); and the scandal of an affair with her husband's superior officer, General Lawford. They travelled the world until the gossip died down, the money ran out, and their beautiful son became a successful actor, all the while presenting a smile and a ready wit. Is re-invention just a waiting game?
And my hero, Ruth Gordon--the girl from Quincy who never faced facts?--she dropped her last name (Jones), got kicked out of the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in 1914 or so but didn't tell her parents, stayed in New York, and got an acting job without any training. Then she married Gregory Kelly, a matinee idol who died much too young, had an affair with the notorious producer Jed Harris, gave birth out of wedlock when it just wasn't DONE (she went to Paris for awhile), became an unlikely Broadway leading lady, met a boy wonder 16 years her junior, married him, wrote brilliant plays and films, created memorable roles onstage and film, and became a symbol of eternal enthusiasm.
Is re-invention just a matter of luck, or a decision to get lucky? Must it be a conscious act? Could re-invention be the natural result of living through a personal crisis, a change of locale or an everyday epiphany? Is it really self-realization? And can anyone re-invent herself, anywhere, anytime?
WHICH HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STAR'S MOTHER-- -privately dressed him as a girl until he was 10 or older? -hated the Kennedys, Frank Sinatra, and Sammy Davis, Jr? -declared Mahatma Gandhi a "fake"? -called Mussolini "Musso" for short? -became pregnant by her husband's superior officer? -was rumored to have been "dusky" (half-Indian)? -was an equal-opportunity racist? -married two men who committed suicide, and two who didn't? -shot a man dead--and no charges were ever pressed? -rode an elephant all over Hollywood, with a sign saying "Vote for Nixon"? -took up with a young man 50 years her junior? -died under very mysterious circumstances--and had her autobiography serialized in "National Enquirer"? -was devastatingly charming? -has a new play based on her autobiography, BITCH!, opening at FringeNYC in August, 5 performances only, at the Connelly Theatre? For tickets: www.fringenyc.org
When I list the rumors and facts like that, it makes me wish I could see a show about her! I guess that's why I started this particular ball rolling in the first place. . .Grrrrr. Back to my re-writes.
PS: WHICH ACTRESS/PLAYWRIGHT WANNA-BE USED TO TELL HER STUDENTS THAT THAT UNPLEASANT SENSATION WAS EXCITEMENT, NOT TERROR?! Oh,Brother!
One of the reasons I started this project in the first place was to get myself on the other side of the table in the audition room. Originally, I didn't plan to be playing Lady Lawford. I know it's hard to believe, but I don't think I'm ideal for this role--I imagined someone older, British, elegant--maybe even bitchy.
But since I'm primarily an actor, not a "real" writer, it's easier for me to see the strengths and weaknesses of the script from the inside. At least that's the premise I'm working from now--so I'm playing Lady Lawford this time. (performance dates below).
And as the playwright I DID find myself on the other side of the casting table this week, with Melinda Buckley, our director, and Melissa Doyle, our producer, listening to actors play the piano, sing, and act their hearts out. They were terrifically unique: solid performers, some so handsome it hurt to look at them, some wonderful singers, some better pianists, and a couple were stars-in-the-making who just didn't happen to fit into this play. I am grateful to them all.
These auditions confirmed all the corny stuff I used to tell my students--the auditors REALLY want you to be good, to solve their casting problem, to be the ONE. And even if they think they've found the ONE, they want you to show them something even better, even more unique, to re-define who the ONE is. I'll try to practice what I preach next time I audition. It's hard to remember on the actor's side of the table.
SO: Who is the ONE? The adorable, brilliant Joe Kinosian--composer, pianist, singer, musical director, actor--and who knows what else!? He just clicked.
Joe was recommended by Kevin Chamberlin, star of DIRTY BLONDE, SEUSSICAL, CHICAGO, and the upcoming ADDAMS FAMILY on Broadway. Kevin's a friend whom I met almost twenty years ago in an early Doug Wright play called DINOSAURS, at Yale Rep. He played Magic Moses, a Christian wrestler, and I played Candy Faye Kafka, a country singer so changed by plastic surgery her own mother doesn't recognise her. Even back then, Doug Wright was brilliant. (DINOSAURS is a story in itself--one of those shows that form real friendships. I'm still in touch with Kevin, Doug, Marylouise Burke, and Bill Mesnik, all from then.)
So nice that Lady Lawford's Buddy is a friend of a friend!
Our world--the world of theatre--is small and grows smaller every day. Good or bad, I find that more and more reassuring, the older I get.
The Lucky/Shameless/Dragon Part:
Bitch! (The Autobiography of Lady Lawford, as told to Buddy Galon) The Connelly Theater, 220 East 4th St (Ave. A & B) MON 8/17 @ 10:00-11:35PM THUR 8/20 @ 4:45-6:20PM SAT 8/22 @ 7:00-8:35PM SUN 8/23 @ 2:30-4:05PM FRI 8/28 @ 7:00-8:35PM
Ticket info: www.fringenyc.org
BUY THEM IN ADVANCE! WE WILL SELL OUT, AS IT'S ONLY A 99-SEATER! AND SELLING OUT EARLY GIVES BETTER BUZZ--HELP A BITCH OUT, OK?!!
Shame (ME,fr OE scamu; akin to OHG scama shame; bef. 12c) 1 a: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, short-coming, or impropriety b: the susceptibility to such emotion 2 a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute : IGNOMINY 3 a: something that brings censure or reproach; also: something to be regretted: PITY "it'd be a ~ if you missed the party" b: a cause of feeling shame
Lately I've been drumming up momentum, interest, and funds for BITCH!, which I guess could be considered Self-Promotion. After all, I wrote it, am re-writing it, and will be in it. But somehow the idea of self-promotion seems incomplete without the adjective "shameless".
I wonder why promoting my play makes me blush--Am I immodest? shameless? bound for hell? Why is it so guilt-inducing?!
Just the word "shame" takes me back to a specific gesture my mother, grandmother, aunts, and uncles used: The Forefinger Rub. When we were very small, and did something BAD, usually fibbing (or "storying", as my family put it), they would accompany the forefinger gesture not with "Shame, shame", but "Shamie, Shamie"--as if giving our shame a nickname made it cute. Even as a kid it made me wanna puke.
So I googled the Shame Gesture, and found:
"It implies a superior position from sender to receiver and is sign of friction, which was derived from pointing. Professor Mark Knapp of the University of Texas says,"the whittling motion of the non-pointing finger indicates friction. Making this gesture toward someone indicates 'you are causing trouble between us!'"
The gesture seems to be fairly recent and is limited almost entirely to North America. They've got a similar gesture in Wales, but they make a sawing motion with the non-pointing finger. And in parts of Mexico, rubbing one index finger across the other is considered obscene! "Shamie-Shamie!", I thought, till I read:
"We all deserve to have this gesture applied to us, because we all fall short of God's standards. Shame and guilt are what we should receive. Now, if you take that shame gesture and stop the stroking down the finger half-way you get a cross shape as your two index fingers overlay each other."
Nun-uh. I think it's a gesture intended to brush something off of ourselves--pointing to another and sloughing something off--maybe unwanted attention, maybe DIS-grace, maybe our own shame. You know, a sort of "I am rubber, you are glue" from adults to children.
But if you're truly shameless, can you still blush? Am I "story-ing" by writing a play? Does that make me shameless? And, ever notice how well the word shameless goes with Bitch?
The "Get Lucky"(Ruth Gordon)/"Be a Dragon" (Geraldine Page) news:
-WE REACHED OUR KICKSTARTER.com GOAL!!--but are gratefully accepting donations online till July 15 and offline thereafter. We still need about $2,000. And we would be proud if you'd spread the word. -I am re-writing like crazy, and un-re-writing like an even crazier person. -Casting for Buddy is July 13. Know any young actors who are adorable, incredibly talented 20-somethings, and who play a mean piano? -Performance dates will be confirmed on July 11, but looks like they'll be between August 17 and 28th, 5 performances only, at the Connelly. -AND we're putting together the rest of TEAM BITCH! and would welcome volunteers. Check out www.andsoshedid.com---Come join us!
Last week I went to Woodstock to visit my friend Gillian Farrell for a couple of days, to shake things up, try to get a new perspective on "Bitch!", and to shoot a short film of me as Lady Lawford, directed by Gillian.
She was a young actress in Geraldine Page's class with me all those years ago--lovely, slim, blonde, smart, talented--I wonder we ever became friends at all, but Gillian had the knack of making people--even someone as self-conscious as I was--feel comfortable.
It didn't help that my best male friends from class, John Outlaw and Edward Blanchard, REALLY liked her. The three of them were way cooler than I was. Both guys did scenes with her, and with me, too, but Gillian and I never worked together, probably because I was too intimidated. She was the kind of girl I always wanted to be.
She wore groovy vintage clothes, knew celebrities, had wicker furniture, and lived on the upper West side in a great apartment building owned by a wacky former vaudevillian--just like all those old movies that made me want to move to New York--and her day job was fabulous. She was a detective.
When Gillian's detective agency needed to hire another actress/detective, she recommended me. Five nights a week we'd don blue maid's uniforms and head to a mid-town office building to spy on crooked yuppies who apparently had been ripping off their employers, an investment banking firm, returning after-hours to do whatever it was that warranted hiring two actresses to spy on them. I never did know for sure. We carried photos of the crooks in our uniform pockets, with cans of Pledge and dirty rags as a cover, and pretended to be Yugoslavian cleaning women. Our real cover was a duo of actual Yugoslavian cleaning women who had ratted on the yuppie crooks in the first place. Intrepid, they kept the other maids from reporting us to the Maids Union, or worse, speaking to us in Croatian (neither of us knew a word). It was clear we didn't belong there. But it was a fun job, very Lucy and Ethel.
By day, between auditions, I served subpoenas. Gillian's other assignments as an "op" were more challenging and dangerous, and--well, she was better at it than I was. Braving dicey neighborhoods to hand legal documents to scary people proved too much for me. I was relieved to land a job in a Charles Busch play by night, and an upper East side real estate office by day. My brief stint as a lady detective became just another anecdote: What I Did For Money.
But Gillian's gumshoes really took her places. She met a sexy writer who was working on a detective novel, married him, had children, wrote some detective novels herself, and moved to Woodstock after living abroad, directing, and of course, acting. Now her husband is a respected, well-known writer, her kids are gorgeous, and she looks just the same only better--still acts, writes, does charity and political work, and has become a film-maker.
So twenty-two years later, the actress/detectives once again played dress-up and catch-up, and worked together, alone.
Sadly, our dear friends John and Edward are both gone--John died in 1993 and Edward last September. Gillian and I are unexpected survivors. We have finally created something together, however small, after all these years. I'm looking forward to collaborating with her again before another twenty-odd years pass by. And I hope that John and Edward are smiling.
BITCH! is a play based on the Autobiography of Lady Lawford--which premiered at FringeNYC August, 2009. I continue to add to the blog as the spirit moves me.
