Don't Be Helpless, Don't Kill Yourself, Don't. . .

"Don't be helpless, don't kill yourself, don't look for trouble. Stuff gets in your way, kick it under the rug. Stay well, stay with it, make it come out. Never, never, never give up."--Ruth Gordon

I'm thinking about Teddy Kennedy and my extreme guilt over having to say the lines I have to say on Friday the 28th--my last Fringe show as Lady Lawford, bashing (gulp)America's favorite First Family. But to dwell on that would be wasting time; Friday will come and I will say Lady L's awful words in spite of my discomfort--and since I'm working hard on becoming more like RG, I'll cut to the chase.

That Friday is the anniversary of Ruth Gordon's death. I still can't believe I never met her.

I used to write letters to her in my head, in the 70's, when I first read her books--she wrote three, in which she encouraged mailing your thoughts and letters of admiration to people you don't know. It had worked for her as a young girl. Her heroes wrote back to her. Would Ruth Gordon actually read my notes and respond? The thought terrified me. What if she thought I was an idiot? Or what if she was so unimpressed she just tossed them? They remained safe in my head. Safety was NOT Ruth Gordon's message to the world.

When she died, in 1985, I started mailing my gushy fan letters, my dumb questions, my admiration, to people I truly admire. Of course I didn't hear back from some of them--but a very famous playwright became my pen pal, I finally got to meet him, and he even let me sit in on rehearsals. It was awkward and embarrassing, until it wasn't.

And when another playwright--Garson Kanin, Ruth Gordon's widower--was casting a revival of his most famous play, BORN YESTERDAY (a play I grew up quoting because of the Judy Holliday movie), I actually met him and got cast. He even wrote ME a few notes--as witty and charming and brilliant as I had hoped he'd be.

Since then, Garson's widow, the amazing Marian Seldes, someone else whose work I admire beyond admiration, has been supportive and kind to me. She is such a trouper she performed once at Cause Celeb!, the comedy show I used to do. I admit I write fan notes to her occasionally because it's great to spread that respect and affection outward to our inspirations--otherwise they may never know their influence. It can't hurt.

And the Estate of Garson Kanin and Ruth Gordon, Martha Wilson, is one of my dearest friends now. She knew them both well, of course, but doesn't gossip about them, which is sometimes frustrating to a girl like I. They stay firmly on my pedestal, and I'm grateful for that.

What does any of this have to do with the journey of my little play, "Bitch!"?

Back to the '70's: I was very young, a newlywed in St. Louis, very depressed, phobic, not doing anything I wanted to be doing, for any number of boring reasons, when I first read MY SIDE, by Ruth Gordon. I turned to my adorable young husband and said,"Do you think I'll be like her when I'm her age?" And he replied,"No. Because you're not like that now."

Unlearning Helplessness 101. I've come a long way from St. Louis. But baby, I've still got a long way to go.


Come see the final show if you can. I'm hoping there'll be a ghost in the audience.